The Maverick Tribe

If you missed the Fox News GOP presidential debate tonight, congratulate yourself.  I don't care if you spent that 90 minutes with the TV off, listening to Yanni, and picking the lint out from between your toes, it was probably more edifying than the debate.  Having just watched it, I'm now sitting here intellectually bewildered and catatonic.  What's worse, I fear the Fox News tractor beam has me in its grip.  Right now they're showing slow-motion footage of Dick Cheney fly fishing and I can't seem to change the channel.  Must....reach....remote....

Ok that's better.  Anyway, if you missed the debate, here's the boiled down version (as presented by Maverick Tribe):

Fred Thompson:  What this country needs is more school choice, more market solutions, and more, uh, more...(looking down at notes)...oh yes, and more platitudes.  Hillary Clinton is evil and Ted Kennedy is fat.

Mitt Romney:  I believe in strengthening America so that it's strong, with strong principles key to a position of strength.  And you know what's not strong?  Weak things, like HillaryCare, which, despite being modeled on my health care plan in Massachusetts, is government-run socialized medicine, whereas my plan is strong.  Did I mention Hillary bad?

John McCain:  I hate Mitt Romney.  And Hillary.

Ron Paul:  I tried to stop the Iraq War!  And I would have gotten away with it, too, if it wasn't for you darn kids!

Duncan Hunter:  In order to prepare for the presidency, I've waxed my eyebrows into the shape of Mr. Spock's.  A vote for Hillary Clinton would be illogical.

Mike Huckabee:  Don't be fooled by my sunny, folksy demeanor.  I hate Hillary more than any of these pussies.

Tom Tancredo:  Hillary Clinton is probably an illegal alien.