The Maverick Tribe

(Ed. note: This piece is recycled from a contribution the author made to his friend Randy's traditional "Year in (P)Review 2003/2004".  Don't be confused by the author's use of the third person.  The author and his subject are actually one and the same -- unlike yours truly, the editor, and the author, who are two completely different people.  -- MT)

Looks like it's time for another update on this bastard form of Reality TV known to most of us as... "reality".

Last season began routinely enough with our hero, Jake, fresh from a mission in the cantankerous wilds of conurban London and gainfully employed in the Bay Area. Alas, it wasn't long before the storms of our modern economy advanced upon Silicon Valley, precipitating pink slips high and low. Single, jobless, and sequestered at the Kadner Inn with his friend, co-star and fellow economic-fallout victim Debra, Jake suddenly found himself with a lot of time on his hands. He was primed for a May sweeps month chock full of blossoming romance, intrigue, and betrayal. But after Elimidating the handful of potential mates allowed through the white picket gates of Kadner Inn, our Bachelor and Bachelorette fell into regular episodes of cooking and gardening, and not much blossomed save the plum tree out back.

Fearful the producers would sell off the domestic and sexually tepid "Kadner Inn" to PBS, Jake and Debra cancelled the series and went off on their respective Amazing Races; Debra to Madagascar, Turkey, and the former Soviet Republic of Georgia; Jake to Singapore and Bali. Negotiating successfully the dangers of terrorism, SARS, and airline food was apparently not enough to garner a cash prize, but they did both manage to return home safely.

Speaking of cash, Jake was in dire need of it by this point. (The unemployment consolation prize in California is a mere $1300 per month.) Luckily, he was cast in a surefire attention-grabber: a San Francisco start-up called Rapt, Inc. Audiences just can't keep their eyes off it. Under the auspices of Rapt, Jake has been involved for the latter part of this year in a consulting engagement with the online advertising business at Yahoo!, Inc.

The wedding is scheduled for the season finale.

Here's hoping all of you have had a blockbuster year in the Nielsons, and that 2004 will bring a series of madcap adventures neatly fitting into 60-minute time slots.

...and don't forget to vote you-know-who off the island in November!